Forgiveness (Audio)

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My heart, my Soul you long for me.  You miss my presence and the quiet rest it brings.  You miss the joy and gentle laughter.  And the familiar intimate passion whose flames burn with cleansing and refining fire.  You are torn in two, exposed in the shadows and seeking relief, some covering for your nakedness.  No wonder you seek my attention.  No wonder that at times in your wrath I am shamed, belittled, and the object of cruel humor.  I have always known you yet in my folly, my cleverness I sought You in the Other.  I performed for you to win your approval.  I poured myself into the leaky cup of achievement and was spilled out onto the dry earth.

My love I have wanted you from forever.  I now know that we share the same destiny.  To damnation or redemption we both shall go.  I now  know, I now believe where you reside, at least with my intellect (Lord help my unbelief),  Yet I still move between sense and nonsense, faith and doubt.  I strain to make the turn toward you and enter your castle.  Why can I not run a straight path into your arms so that the torture might cease?  Am I even now so twisted that straight is beyond my comprehension and ability?  I begin the journey with “I forgive You”.  You are that which I have made you.  The greater forgiveness is yours to give me.  My fear and stupidity, my double minded laziness left you alone and dying.  Do what you must my Love.  I am coming but I do not know the way back to you.  But I go out nonetheless, not knowing the way.  But I know the destination . . .

Your head on my chest, legs entwined, deep solemn rest.

27 thoughts on “Forgiveness (Audio)”

  1. Aurara Sky Light

    FAR BEIT , FOR ME to label myself in indignation , with the term narsiccistic. that door has been shut , the one of my past . I had no soul, not one i could find much , as it were buried/stolen in the enmeshment of a seemingly sweet lady yet , possessed a masters in divinity , psycology and theology type A ,strongwilled mother , who was given the power of the house /kids. I FOUND MY SOUL LACKING COMPLETENESS, As MY FRACTIONED SOUL was , fractioned out in pieces enmeshed w/an overpowring,overbearing force , only to eliminate her own insecurities . however, HE , showed me a different way to see the aspects of all that has gone unseen , all theese years . The opportunity of a new life , one of completness , mercy , grace , genuine happiness , may just be …….

  2. Aurara Sky Light

    In my dreams , my name was Jackie II, knowing that I didnt know, that my dreams were addicted to fiction, the mirrors were my nightmare of my dreams ,somehow, I escaped my nightmares , bought a full length mirror and I saw through HIS eyes , The eyes that run omnipresent , full of grace and forgiveness. I got a long glimpse of my hidden soul , and fell in love with the new shifted focus of my life, I embraced him.

  3. Aurara Sky Light

    it appears to feel like a journey , between sense, non-sense , faith and doubt . why did I leave you in the first place? or, was it a natural occurance ? maybe you , left me .

  4. I have so much clearer a picture now of your “intimate soul dialogues” than I did way back when. And the emotions of this piece are deep and heavy. Your journey has been/is still a long one, and I find myself wondering if you ever stumble on any joy on your way to relieve your intense search — for just a time. A little time. She is there, you will find Her. She whispers GRACE in your ear while you are sleeping or when least expecting it. If not, you would not be able to go on. Pray do relax in knowing that She is searching for you, too. And She will not give up, not be completed until you are found at last and reunited, tangled in each others’ arms. {{{Plato}}}

    • Yes darlin. There is joy along with grief. And remember that was written a year or two ago. For a long time I sought some ideal of happiness trying to avoid the grief (bipolar pathway). Now it is more integrated. There is sunshine along with the rain and it makes the flowers grow. 🙂

      • Integrated as we should be inside as well. Been thinking about cats and dogs this morning. The characteristics of each, which species I am most like. Which I most drawn to. I see two sides of myself with them and was wondering if there ever comes a time when those sides are integrated into one. You said yesterday I work too hard. Did you mean with this kind of stuff? Cause I can tell you right now that born-on-the-cusp-of-Taurus side of me is always in there stirring things up, giving me no peace! 🙂 My sister says I’m much too “deep” (to use her word) for my own good. it makes me feel odd, and like I want to FIND that in between place then maybe she will shut up and leave me alone. (Good Lord! Where did THAT come from … o_O )

        • I was just thinking you are hard on yourself. Like living is a job or a task you need to do cause something’s broke and needs fixing. I think you are just fine as is. Play is the best vocation. Writibg deck building even therapy is play for me. It can all be strenuous but its fun. If I catch myself working I’m doing something wrong

Thanks for Playing. Be Groovy!