I resist the idea that somehow the forces at work in me are “teaching me a lesson”. That You are some immature psychological projection that should be reeled in, understood and captured in the pages of a book. I utterly reject this! I want and will have the Real! There must be an answer to the question, a place of rest for the longing, or nothing matters and it is all a farce. Then debauchery is as valid as righteousness. I don’t want the spiritual / intellectual absent the body. I want no Gnostic castration of the flesh. I want incarnation. I want what ought to be!
He (Jung-Red Book) said that I need to objectify Her. And I feel rage masked by profound resistence in me. It feels utterly insulting that something so cherished should be treated so. Perhaps, and most likely I am a fool with regards to this and I am shamed once again. “integration of the Anima” feels like killing something precious.
I totally get that. I was like the ugly stepsister at home who was only there for the food. Had a younger sister who was always the belle of the ball. Perhaps I choose the more masculine attributes of problem solving, etc. because I felt I had no claim to the other part of me. It’s an awful feeling when you don’t feel at home in your own skin, isn’t it…
Gotcha. Well I’m a big one on balance. Weird thing was I was not as comfortable with my feminine side. Struggled with that for a while. When you don’t think you look like a movie star that balance can be hard to find.
I’ve also been noticing a lot lately how in every couple’s relationship there’s a feminine spirit and a masculine one. And it’s not always the guy that’s the masculine and the gal that’s the feminine. I’m still observing and thinking through that.
Some times if a man does not feel good about his manliness its the feminie side of him he feels rejected by. I guess it would be the same for women. I agree the many relationships are and attempt to balance our own equations externally. I’ve been very manly I n the outside but all of this feminine, not female, stuff was underground. Femine traits like intimacy romance etc that seemed like weakness to a southern boy was treated badly and it went underground. I rejected myself
What, exactly, IS Anima?
It is a Greek concept. It is about the divided or dual nature of men and women. For the man it is his feminine side. For the woman it is her masculine nature. The best way I can describe it emotionally, cause that is where it lives, is the appearance of Her in my dreams, sexual or otherwise. For most of my life those dreams were not good. One way of thinking about it is that I was not paying attention to or taking care of my Soul. The dominant For the man it would be the tender intimate vulnerable parts of himself. And in that I have neglected that in me my Soul in my dreams and in other ways was trying to get my attention. I was very good at giving what I needed to others but did not know how to do that for myself. In alot of what I write it can almost be taken literally as me trying to learn to be intimate with my Self or Soul. But at some point it gets all blurry and the metaphors break down into mystery again. There is alot to it and really right now I don’t even know what I don’t even know about it. It comes from that place where “groaning’s are too deep for words.” I know the theories and could teach a class on them. But now I am much humbled and wrestling with how to manifest this in me. For a woman they would talk about he Animus or male side.