I Am – Kinda (Audio) A little Southern Mysticism

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Image result for cheap carnival spookhouse image

I am

But who is saying that

This is me

The same one who sucked his thumb

But who is observing the me thinking of the me

I am the same

I have observed the changes

In my body

In my thoughts

My experiences

My beliefs

My habits

My desires

But all of those things are not me

Me is back here watching

Observing

I am beginning to remember that I forgot

I have missed me

I searched for me in many places

I have looked in the reflections and have mistaken me for them

To suck my thumb feels awkward now

Funny how I once was so attached to it

I am guessing there are things I am attached to that are as transient as my thumb even now

It is interesting to have the awareness back that I had as a child

Observing and wondering, separate from the Self, the Ego, at least sometimes

Fear must have created that projection I called me

Well, some of it

Some of it is OK and is part of my groove

I think fear must have built the rest because it seems fear is what enforces the construct and dread guards the exits

But like a carnival spook-house been through several times, I am getting bored with it

I am yawning, its so 1-2-3 now jump and . . . Que the strobes, now crooked mirrors and fog and skeletons and turn the corner where the drug addict Carney jumps out and yells

The fear is getting be to quiet lame, much like the raggedy clown that pops out of the dark place and flops around on worn springs

Turning the lights on reveals the primitive, laughable, side show that has held me hostage

I think I’m gonna look outside the mirrors and the cheap carnival and try to remember the one who has been watching

See if he is still around somewhere

The source of all the reflections

I like my Self OK

But I am more than what I have created

And the dude at the exit has warrants

He won’t bother me if I really want to go

 

21 thoughts on “I Am – Kinda (Audio) A little Southern Mysticism

  1. “To suck my thumb feels awkward now Funny how I once was so attached to it” I’m sitting here rereading this and got to thinking how many things we use to substitute for our thumbs. And thinking of the mirrors, is there a difference between feeling fragmented as a person and just wearing different “hats”, so to speak, according to where you are at the moment?

  2. “I am beginning to remember that I forgot” I LOVE this. I came to a very similar time when I thought I was remembering who it was I was meant to be. The story you created of a circus is fabulous!

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