The song by Elton John has been one of my favorites for years. Never really knew why. I sang it as a boy and did not even know all the words. Maybe I am beginning to, finally. It was not until 2006 or so that I figured out that one line that said “Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone.” I have no idea what words I used to sing during that part. But I remember the haunting emotions it stirred in me as a boy. How I would allow my soul to open as I sang along with the AM radio. There were a few songs like this one that have always moved me, and still do. I’ve not heard many of them on the radio though. Not for a long time.
Maybe it has something to do with much of my childhood happening during the space race, the nuclear threat, and the social ferment that was going on all around me. I did not understand it but I felt it. I am sure there were issues in our family that contributed to my emotional connection to the song as well. I know Elton may have had his own reasons for singing the song I still wonder why a 9-10 year old boy would.
I don’t have anything really profound to say about this. I am just observing. Observing, I think in a different way and from a new perspective, for me anyway. It is difficult to put my finger on and say definitively this or that. But what I have observed is that there is a hall of mirrors. That in itself is huge for me. For all the “education” I have, I wonder if much of it only added new wings, new distractions to the hall, I learned philosophy and theology and many flavors of depth psychology. Tons of “ologies”. Really “ology” just means “the study of”. Not that big a deal. Sounds cool though. Unless you have read through all those books and get to the end and figure out they only knew a little bit, just like most people. I knew about many things and it was good information. But to know about a thing and to know the thing itself are very different.
So here I am almost fifty-two and just now beginning to begin. But its OK that I may be just starting. I am just glad to finally get going. It is difficult sometimes to poke our heads out and look around for the first time. It is confusing and painful to see the many familiar reflections and begin to sort through what it all means. But it can be really cool too, And you don’t have to learn a bunch of new words that belong to other people. Bruce Lee was cool in “Enter the Dragon.” He finally started breaking the mirrors so he could see his enemy. I think that when I get around to doing that I will find me looking back. That is what all the books seem to say in one form or another. Guess now it is just time to do it rather than sit around and be profound about the idea of it. No matter how cool that can be. Be Groovy!
Last time we ran away for the night we stayed up in Logan. Didn’t know there was some kind of thing going on at the hotel because of Utah State graduation. The only room they had left was in the hall filled with all kinds of frat boys. Gawd! We had drunk kids pounding on our door all night not knowing it was two gals in the room. We finally stuck a note outside on the door (with toothpaste no less) saying there were two lonely, old married women in the room and if they didn’t want any trouble they’d betternehave or they might get more than they bargained for. It really was quite funny at the time.
The next morning Amy and I sneaked out the patio door to check out. Didn’t want to run into any of them. But she told Mark (her husband) and that little bugger knew A would pitch a fit thinking we should have left. So he blackmailed me to get a free lunch. The slime bucket! LOL Well you know what they say. If you’re best friend’s in jail you ought to be in the cell next to ’em. Giggle… Man she was ALWAYS getting me in trouble in those days.
She and A are planning to retire the same time in 2017, so at the moment we’re planning a cruise around the British Isles together. Three years ago we sailed from Boston to Montreal. Sigh… I really need to get away. So does A, for that matter.
Maybe so. Most likely.
Yes you probably need a pilgrimage of some sort even if its trouble
I wish sometimes this one WAS out crying in the wilderness! Instead he plants himself on the couch and wants to “converse” all day. I love him. He’s always been my talker of the two kids. But I gotta say the man is wearing me out! I desperately need to go away for a week by myself! Or with Amy (my bff) and get in some trouble. Been a long time since I’ve done that! LOL
He may be wandering around in the mirrors if there is no connection with the outside.
Because?
Don’t know him. But prophets have a message from the creator that does not originate in the current culture or religion. It is constant through the ages but over a against whatever the spirit of the age is. Typically a very lonely job, crying in the wildreness and all. Sometimes they are killed metaphorically and otherwise.
I have sensed something in me that has been in rebellion, not against the Creator, but against those who claimed to speak for him in religion, culture, family etc… That’s exactly where he is. It’s the reason he’s done an 180° and started coming back to church. He’s now LEADING the adult Sunday School class. I don’t know if I told you or not, but at one time he was going to be a pastor. He was the assistant pastor at our church for six months to see what he thought about it all. He ended up becoming disillusioned because of things like that, partly. He was planning to go to Calvin College in Michigan. That would have been a disaster for him. His heart is really with John Wesley. Not John Calvin. Me, too, for that matter.
Then he is a prophet.
Boy, you and B would get on famously. Ever read anything by Brian McLaren?
Why you say that
If I and you were actually intended to be something or somebody or some thing then that intention is external to me, to us but not culture or family or religion It is not then about me making myself into something (which is what I have been trying to do) but rather discovering and aligning myself as I may to the Creator’s unique intention or vision for us. I have sensed something in me that has been in rebellion, not against the Creator, but against those who claimed to speak for him in religion, culture, family etc
Explain the idea of intention…
I’m sure you’re right. Once you realize you’ve been using people as mirrors for most of your life, (well for me) there’s an anger when you’re forced into it again. That’s what makes me feel caged. Maybe it’s different and more liberating for a guy.
I think the universals are true for everybody maybe. I think its not in our particular unique issues but rather in the fact that many times we don’t know ourselves and choose against who we are intended to be. So by using the idea of intention I apparently still hold to the idea of God and purpose and meaning.
You know, it really is kind of like that. But you HAVE to deal with those mirrors first, don’t you… Then there’s a lot of relearning involved afterward. And that’s hard and time consuming. Still trying to decide if it was worth shattering all that glass or not. Sometimes after you break all the mirrors you find you’re still locked in the same room. You’re just more aware of it now…and then you have some big decisions to make.
It’s trouble any way one goes. It just trying to find the way that is mine. It would be simpler, but maybe not, if I was just gay and needed to come out. That at least is a known culturally defined “coming out” thing. But in the end I don’t think it would be much different of a process either way.